T-2 days to Lifest...and the office implodes with phone calls and mockery

Okay, so there's a good chance that this is going to be the shortest post ever. But I feel compelled to post it anyway, so here goes:
We are currently t-2 days from Lifest. The office is abuzz with activity, workers are flitting around the grounds like buzy little bees... And no one is telling the interns what to do.
mmh... correction: EVERYONE is telling the interns what to do, and they're all conflicting with one another.
SO, I show up to the office today in grungies *spelled just like that, mmhm...* because I was told that I was going to be going to the grounds for some lifting and loading and posting and pasting and whatnot. I even went into the office last evening to take care of my emails and voice messages so that I would be able to scoot out of the office without spending too much time there this morning. So, Sarah = clean, but Grungy.
Arriving at the office this morning, I answered the same 47 questions from the same bands that asked the same 47 questions the LAST time I spoke with them... not the least bit frustrating, I swear. I had the distinct pleasure of calling the only band I had left to register and informing them that if they did not pay me over the phone TODAY, they weren't going to be playing on my stage for the competition. That was a fun conversation. (they paid)
Then, just as I'm getting ready to leave, the phone system exploded. Really, within minutes, every single one of our lines was busy. We have one receptionist, 2 female interns capable of answering the phones, and 2 other people who pick them up when no one else does in time. EVERY SINGLE LINE WAS BUSY.
Thus began the day of the ridiculous phone calls. Honestly, the most absurd calls you could possibly imagine.
Caller 1: Yes, I'd like to know about getting my toilet flushed.
Me: I'm sorry?
Caller: I'd like to know how it works. Like, do WE do it, or does someone else come and do it for us?
Me:.... um, are you talking about the septic truck for electric camping?
Caller: Oh, yeah, is that what you call it?

mmhm.

Or how about this one:

Caller 2: Hi, can you tell me the closest pizza place and grocery store in the area?
*keep in mind - all lines are busy, meaning coworkers are on phones too...*
Me: um, I can't give you specific names and locations, but I can tell you that there is a general store on grounds with basic grocery needs, and there is a local pizza place that will deliver directly to your campsite.
Caller: Well, can you find out where the closest places are?
Me: Well ma'am, to be honest, I just moved here from New York a couple of weeks ago and don't know my way around very well yet. I know there is a strip mall on exit 119, but I think your best bet would be to look online for stores nearest the Sunnyview campgrounds.
Caller: Well, okay then. Can you tell me how much it costs to have those pizzas delivered?
Me: Um, well, its going to depend on the size and kind of pizza that you're ordering, so I really can't give you an exact number... but I do know that its very reasonable.
Caller: Well, I like to put money in envelopes for the different meals each day, and it would really help if you could tell me how much that would cost...

Really? Because I didn't have ANYTHING BETTER TO DO than to give you information that you could find out by going on our website or doing a little googling.

But the one that takes the cake... *the cheesecake, of course*

Caller 3: "Hi, I'm calling to speak with the person in charge of volunteer foods"
Me: I'm sorry, they're not in the office right now - may I transfer you to their voicemail?
Caller: Actually, maybe you can help me
Me: okay...
Caller: I donate cheese for Lifest, and I donate time so I can cut a lot of cheese.
*play that one over a few times, and keep in mind that by this point, I've had about 45 odd and annoying calls*
Me: *stifiling a giggle*"okay"
caller: Well I have a problem cutting the cheese.
Me: *REALLY BIG PROBLEM NOT LAUGHING IN THE PHONE*
"Okay..."
Caller: Yes well, we're using a lot of different cheeses, and this one type of cheese does not lend itself well to slicing. I would really appreciate it if we could cube this particular type of cheese, rather than slice it.

Really? You're calling me 2 days before Lifest to ask me if you can cube cheese that can't be sliced? Roll it in a ball and chuck it at people!

Well, the best part of this story is the fact that by the time I was finished NOT answering this woman's question, because I didn't have the authority to tell her to cube the heck out of her cheese, I walk out of my cube laughing. And I walk over to tell Jennifer. And I LOSE it. And then Jennifer loses it as she tries to make sense of what I'm saying. And I have to go around the office to try to find the person to ask about the cutting of the cheese. And each person I relay the story to... loses it. It was like, everyone was nearing their breaking point, and BAM - cheese crisis hits, and that's it. Everyone is laughing. Some are CRYING we're laughing so hard.

So it took me another hour of digging around to diffuse the stinky cheese crisis. I tell you, these Wisconsiners don't mess around with their cheese...

Okay, so there you have it.

Not the world's shortest post.

And I didn't get to the grounds at all today either, meaning that I showed up to work looking all scuzzy for no reason whatsoever. Excellent.

But for anyone who's interested, you can sign up in the info center to have the septic truck come to your RV, Bernatello's deliver's to campsites for $5, and I couldn't possibly care less about the shape of your cheese.